We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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