he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
