and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
