WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
