like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
