Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize