He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
