Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
