i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
