oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
