is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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