when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
