I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
