No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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