what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
