cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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