are you still at the devil's house?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
