M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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