Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
