So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Randomize
