No stitches, just platelets and will power
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
