He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
