I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
