that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
