You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
