dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
