i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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