How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
