K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
