I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
