Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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