It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
