Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
