I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And then my night got REAL pukey
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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