and i looked up. we had an audience...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
