No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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