...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
