Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
