So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
