He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
