Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
