Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
