I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
