I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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