Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
