Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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