I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize