PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We named our party play list daddy issues
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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