dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
