smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
