i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
