Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
