They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
