sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
