Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
