I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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