so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Damn victory sex feels great
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