I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
