Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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