I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize