I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
