i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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