I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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