Welp...herpes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
