Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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