yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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