peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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