I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize