Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
