I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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