You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
