I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
