So drunk its hurt
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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