god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
