just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Randomize
