I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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