Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
