There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
