So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
