Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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