Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
