Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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