I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
