Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
then he tried to convert me to islam
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
