I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
