Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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