he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
not ubering you a puppy
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
