if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
