I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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