Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
