she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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