"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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