i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
