it hurts more in the daytime
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
