My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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