I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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