who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
