he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
