shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How's work?
Spinning.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
