Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
