I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
