She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
