totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My penis needs a shock collar
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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