you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
