Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
