Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize