And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
