Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
